Dumb and Dumber

I know I am supposed to be mature and set a good example, especially since I have a daughter, but it appears I just can’t help myself. This week the world of athletics is asking for sarcastic remarks and comments on the lack of common sense that appears to be plaguing athletes. Clearly it is my duty to hand out awards to those athletes who have the least amount of common sense. (I wanted to call them idiots, but in my attempt to be mature, I won’t).
The first award goes to Josh Howard of the Dallas Mavericks. The great rapper, Los took video of Josh at Allen Iverson’s celebrity football game, during the singing of the Star Spangled Banner, which eventually made its way onto… You Tube. What a surprise! (Glad to see you were paying attention during the anthem as well Los). In this video clip Josh tells the world, “Star-Spangled Banner going on right now, I don’t celebrate that (expletive). I’m black.” Josh let me be the first to say I am so proud that you learned your colors in first grade. Good thing people fought to abolish slavery, gain civil rights and fight for freedom, so that you could establish that you are indeed black. I believe you are the guy who admitted during an interview to smoking pot… and they say smoking pot doesn’t cause brain damage. Fortunately Maverick’s owner Mark Cuban explained to Josh that “cellphone cameras are not your friend.” I have to say Mark, those are harsh words, but I think you are really helping a young player develop the mental skills he needs to be a leader and a role model. Please David Stern, just send Josh and Mark to the European League. In all reality this isn’t Josh’s fault; most public schools don’t even allow the pledge of allegiance before the start of class each day. I have to thank all the brave men and women in the armed forces for defending America and protecting Josh Howard’s right to free speech. Glad you are risking your life so this guy can express his innermost thoughts so eloquently. In the meantime Josh, you are so stupid you needed a haircut and went to the Clippers game.
My second award hands down, (I mean pants down) goes to Chris Cooley of the Washington Redskins. He enjoys studying his playbook in the nude (already too much information) but in this case snapped a picture of his quiz for the Saints to post on his blog. Unfortunately studying, not wearing pants and picture taking is never a good combination. Is it asking too much for Chris to have learned from the incident where he posted his check routing number on his blog. For this I say you are so stupid you thought a Quarterback was a refund.
Next up is the elusive Mark Ingram, formerly of the NY Giants, who was sentenced to 7 years for money laundering. Since it will be his third term behind bars, I am guessing the rehabilitation part of jail is not working out so well for him. Mark did say, “It hurts me to my core. This is not who I am.” Great Mark, if you don’t know who you are, we certainly don’t either. You thought you were actually a head of state, enjoying diplomatic immunity and immune from prosecution. And I am Heidi Klum. For this I say you are so stupid that when the judge said “Order in the Court” you said, “I’ll have a hamburger and a Coke.”
Lane Kiffin, Head Coach of the Oakland Raiders makes the list just for being stupid enough to take a job working for Al Davis. People ask how anyone could turn down a head coaching job in the NFL; but there are good jobs, bad jobs and jobs you have to be insane to accept. A number of years ago I was offered my first head coaching job at the collegiate level. Several people called to inform me that the school president was a loose cannon and that I should not take the job. I thought I can make anything work. Lesson learned, when the person in charge is not in touch with reality it doesn’t matter how hard you work, you will hit the pavement sooner or later. After all isn’t Al Davis the guy that sent Mike Shanahan on his way? So Lane, no matter what you do, you will eventually be kicked out the door. For even taking the job with the Raiders, I say you are so stupid when your contract said sign here, you put Libra.
Kim Willoughby, Olympic Silver Medalist in Volleyball was charged with first degree assault, for an incident outside the Pipeline Café in Honolulu in September of 2006. Her attorney said, “Anyone that knows Kim, knows that she is not a trouble maker.” Now I do not know Kim, so I can’t vouch for her status as a “non-trouble maker” but I am guessing her attorney missed her 3rd degree assault charge from June 8, 2001, for abuse of a family or household member. The 25 hours of community service, the mental health assessment and treatment doesn’t really seem to have had the desired effect. At least she can wear her silver medal around jail, if she is convicted. For learning absolutely nothing from your past actions, I say you are so stupid you thought a lawsuit was something you wear to work.
Sadly this list could go on and on, but I am 8 months pregnant and have Oreos and ice cream to eat.

For now I am teaching my daughter the value of possessing common sense.